Category Archives: The Android’s Casting Magic Missile (RPG)

JUDAS!

No, not the Lady Gaga song, as great as it is. No I’m talking about Jihad Sultans 2 Crusader Kings 2. Let me set the scene for you guys.

Using the Character Creator I began as a German-culture Christian in Gao, and quickly expanded to take the surrounding lands and form the Kingdom of Songhai. So far so good, but then my male line seems to just end and I have nothing but daughters for like 50 years, and despite the continuation of expansion at first I’ve been struggling to keep things together. Why? Because my country is full of FAITHLESS BACKSTABBING MENDACIOUS FRAUDULENT TWO-FACED DOUBLE-CROSSING PERFIDIOUS RECREANT TRAITORS, THAT’S FUCKING WHY!

I’m so mad. I try and be a nice, benevolent ruler. But people keep rebelling and that necessitates tyranny to keep the land together – which of course makes people dislike me further. There should probably be a fear modifier for a consistently victorious tyrant because I always manage to find a way to win, whether it’s by attriting the other guys to death in the horrendously bleak deserts of Africa, taking loans until I can afford the mercenaries needed to win, or through the sheer luck of capturing the leader of a rebellion in battle.

My current Queen, Queen Luna I of Songhai and Ghana, is only 35 years old and she just put down the “Third War to Depose Queen Luna”, the “Second War against the tyranny of Queen Luna” (Caused by people who you try to arrest or revoke the titles of saying “Nah bro” and revolting instead; but I only tried to imprison them because they were involved with other revolts!), and some random attempt at independence by some podunk no-account count of Povertania, West Africa. Oh and then my still-pagan neighbors in Tarkur took a shot at me and I had to cede some territory because it was in the middle of one of those other wars.

Why is there never a vassal swarm in my DEFENSE?

Twenty-two years on the throne and already in this mess. And furthermore thanks to not having ANY SONS EVER ARGH I don’t have people I can hand landed titles out to any more; so here I am sitting pretty with a ton more provinces than I can administer and nobody loyal to give the damned things to. Mom tried that with Duke Valerian II and he got outmaneuvered by Dukes Emich I and II, the latter of whom ended up with ALL THE DUCHIES. Which meant I had to fight 3/4 of my country simultaneously because Emich II was all “Oh ho ho ho I’m not going to settle for that oh no I’m Petyr Fucking Baelish, Littlefinger big ambitions, time to betray the daughter of the woman who gave me power in the first place!” So now my country is a ruined hellhole, going from the most prosperous and powerful Christian state outside Europe to an impoverished, contracting realm with no money, no manpower, and no loyal vassals in the space of twenty years.

I love this game.

e; Oh also there’s Rome 2 announced.

Mass Effect 3

Well, it’s time to eat my words. I’ve been playing this since getting it on Friday (Thanks to the bizarre insistence on releasing games on a Friday here in Blighty) and I have to say, my impressions from the demo were pretty incredibly off the mark. This game is amazing so far. Weirdly the intro section is still very lightweight and relatively poor, and as you may know there is a HUGE backlash at BioWare regarding the very end of the game (I imagine I’ll write a post about that specifically at another time), but everything between that is solid gold.

Also, and very surprisingly, multiplayer has turned out to be very enjoyable as well. When I first heard they were including it I was surprised and dismayed – it seemed like a game where a tacked-on multiplayer was inevitable, and would take resources from other aspects, but it works very well and is very much a great way to spend some time with a couple of friends. The form it takes is that of a co-operative mode of up to four players, lasting for eleven rounds (Of which the final is to escape the area). On rounds three, six, and ten, you’ll have special objectives to meet; kill particular enemies, or defend a specific room, for example. Success gives great rewards whilst failure ends the mission there and then.

It doesn’t quite reach Gears of War levels of desperation and panic, but it is still excellent, as I said, and fully worth investigating if you’re not convinced of its merits so far.

Going back to single player now, the game isn’t without its flaws. Most specifically to me is that some of the choices from ME1 are handwaved away (One specific choice which should have significantly changed things here made me a bit annoyed when I saw it was ignored). Nonetheless things from ME2 are much more closely tied into this game and I’ve already had a notably different experience from friends at some parts. The spread of enemies is very narrow, but the ones which are there are extremely well-designed, detailed, and superb to fight.

Why does she need a gun? She can just stare a Reaper into going home.

The voice acting and writing is, for the most part, very good as well. My character is FULL RENEGADE and has been since ME1, but everything I’ve seen has been done well as a renegade – my choices are very rarely, if ever, needlessly unpleasant or cruel. They are, rather, cynical and stern, and the series has definitely come a long way in making these choices seem immediately serious and consequential. The ending, of course, destroys all this entirely, but that’s an aside. My character has done some truly atrocious things in this game and yet it makes sense and has had positive effects.

In short, my mass is once again erect.

Disappointment and Regret and Addendums

Being a bit slow (due to playing a stupid amount of Paradox games) to get around to it, I just played the Mass Effect 3 demo. You may recall I recently said I was determined to see this through even if I wasn’t tremendously hopeful about it, but I’ve just cancelled my preorder on the ‘strength’ of the demo. I’ll get around to it sometime, I’m sure, but I’ve got no desire to pay a bunch of cashmoney for something so strikingly mediocre and unenjoyable.

Oh don’t get me wrong, seeing old faces like Wrex, Garrus, and Anderson was great. The Reapers attacking Earth looked pretty cool too (Though there was no sense of impact or weight to it; more on that in a moment), and I approved of… well actually no, those two things was about all I approved of. Everything else was standard and run-of-the-mill at best.

The controls are floaty and don’t respond as I wanted them to. Maybe I’m just getting too old for this, but I distinctly don’t remember having similar problems with 1 and 2. Here though I kept trying to do one thing, and another thing happened, such as diving out of cover into the open. Cue death of Shep. The graphics seemed weirdly low-res, maybe it was just to save space for the demo download but it wasn’t impressive. The weapons and combat is some of the most lacking in impact and weight since I played BioShock, a game that managed to make crushing skulls with a huge wrench feel uninspiring. And that was really the heart of it; everything else I could tolerate or forgive, but the combat was just so completely meritless, so downright unenjoyable, left me feeling so detached and removed from the action, that I just don’t think I can bring myself to play this anytime soon.

It does not, in short, make my mass erect.

Gaoping Edit:

Last night I went and gave it another try, and I’m going to have to admit my judgment was a little premature. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still seeing quite a few problems, but the gameplay itself was definitely quite a bit more enjoyable now that I’ve played around with a couple of classes. In previous ME games I could grab any class and have a great time; that seems not to be the case here.

A Spouse Derided

So it’s time for another Paradox post! I’m sorry, but they keep doing stuff and seeing as they’re one of my favorite developers (Against my better judgment!) I’m going to have to keep writing about them!

Today I got around to downloading the Crusader Kings 2 demo that was released recently and gave it a whirl. And I have to say, yet again, Pox are really knocking it out of the park of late. I’ve played CK1 a little but could never really get into it very well – not so here. I was riveted to my bloodline’s fortunes! I found a wife, then we had children, then we had twins! She was a good wife. Then I had to decide, for example, who the children were schooled under. I also really pissed off the Bishop because I removed him from my Cabinet, but some gold sorted that out. A corrupt man of the cloth?! Who’d have thought!

After repeated attempts to marry my son to my neighbor’s daughter I got fed up of his constant rejections and decided to just acquire her lands (He had died by this point) by force. I sent one of my cabinet out to forge claims, and after a few years he had done so! A war later and voila, my territory had doubled. I gave it to my second son, because I had changed to a succession law whereby my first son gets EVERYTHING, which understandably upset the rest of them. Especially wee Brebinn, my first-born. She was not happy. Not at all.

Sadly the game does not have immortal Pony princesses, nor can you banish anyone to the moon. Should be able to send them to Scotland though, I suppose.

And then the time limit ran out and that was that. But I think, despite a couple of bugs (Some of the events don’t seem to be properly written, especially) that I’ll be picked this one up in a couple of days when it comes out, because I clearly don’t yet have enough Paradox Sperg Games!

In technical terms Pox have carried on their wizardry from A House Divided. This thing runs incredibly quickly and smoothly, as well as looking gorgeous. Definitely give the demo a try if grand strategy games are your kind of thing! And if they’re not, well, this blog must bore the crap out of you!

Final Fantasy 2 – Beaten!

Yesterday I beat Final Fantasy 2, which means I’ve got two down in my quest to play all the major Final Fantasy games (barring the MMOs) in order. This is one of the games I haven’t played before, so it was all completely new to me. It was also a game that a lot of people gave me advance warning on because it’s so polarizing. Apparently FF2 is the game that will make or break a planned Final Fantasy marathon.

Well, I’m pleased to report that I actually quite enjoyed this game. It did have a couple of unconventional ideas and mechanics, which made the first hour or two probably the most difficult to get through, but once I got past that it was smooth sailing. I found this to be an immensely enjoyable RPG with a lot to offer in terms of being able to customize your party to fit your playstyle.

Did someone say "party"?

The last couple of dungeons– the Jade Portal and Pandemonium Castle– were deliciously difficult and had me worried that I was going to run out of the 99 ethers I’d brought along with me (not to mention all of the potions.) Every random encounter felt like a mini-boss. Running into a group of Abyss Worms was always utterly terrifying and yet so thoroughly delicious to struggle against. It was wonderful. And due to the unique way in which you “level” your characters in this game, I really felt like the final boss fight was the moment that I’d been training for this whole time. I loved it.

All in all I had an awful lot of fun with this game and I really do recommend pushing yourself through the first couple of hours and warming up to the playstyle if you’re looking for a solid and challenging oldschool RPG.

Now then: on to Final Fantasy 3! This is another game I haven’t played, so I’m excited to dig into this one!

It’s Not Too Late for the Skyrim Party

So Mister Adequate– being not just my co-blogger here at The Android’s Closet, but also my better half– bought me a couple of gifts recently. The idea was that one was my Christmas present and one was my birthday present (my birthday is in a few days.) He also graciously let me open them early!

Well. One of the presents was an Xbox 360 and the other was Skyrim.

Yeah. Best Birthday/Christmas gift EVER.

Anyways! Ever since then I’ve been dumping hours into Skyrim like there’s no tomorrow and it has really exceeded all of my expectations. It’s been a long time since I really got into a new video game in this way. Heck, it’s been a long time since I really got into a console game in this way. I keep finding myself wanting to return to this magical world and experience more of it. Even my beloved strategy games keep getting pushed aside so I can wander around Whiterun.

Fus ro derp?

Anyways, if you’re still sitting on the fence regarding whether or not to get this game for whatever reason, I urge you to look into it. I’ve just scratched the surface and I think this really is deserving of the title of Game of the Year. There’s just so much to do and the game accommodates all sorts of different playstyles, and it’s all beautifully put together.

Besides, I’m a giant fluffy tabby cat with a sword. I cannot stress enough how awesome this is.

This weekend!

Hello folks if you’re wondering where we are, well, there’s a lot of videogame to be played! Not a large number, but the ones which are there are HUGE!

First up is http://bridgewaterfire.com/calendar-2/action~oneday/exact_date~14-12-2018/ The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, which I wrote about last Friday! It’s still awesome. I’m still barely anywhere in it because there is just so much to do. I’m not sure it is possible to finish Skyrim, you just sort of reach a point where you feel that it’s enough.

Forget Tigh, Ivanova's in the game too!

Second is, of course, Saints Row The Third, which is both completely demented and completely AWESOME! I paradropped out of a helicopter into a penthouse and killed everyone until I owned the place then a helicopter chase across the city ensued and oh man you guys seriously need to play this game. Then I stole a street cleaner and pimped it right out so it reps the Row. I’m actually a little lost in this as well because it’s just SO HUGE and there is SO MUCH to do.

Also the Specialists are serious business holy crap that Deckers shock hammer is amazing.

And then there's these assholes!

What about you guys? What are y’all playing this weekend?

Ode to Hill Gigas

Guys, I’m here to tell you a story about this nasty little bugger called a Hill Gigas:

This guy.

They’re in Final Fantasy 2 and they are not pleasant customers. See, I was doing a dungeon the other day and not just one, but two of them popped up as a random encounter. Expecting your typical random fight, I started wailing on him.

A couple of turns later, two of my party members were dead and the others could hardly put a scratch on the monsters, because they’re immune to Mythril Axes or something.

It was a good ten minutes before I managed to defeat these guys. It was a battle more difficult than any boss fight in the game thus far and I used up probably about 75% of my party’s total mana, but I did it. Feeling pleased with myself, I healed up and continued through the dungeon.

About ten steps later I ran into them again.

See, these guys are a recurring enemy in this dungeon.

I had figured out a method, though. It involves casting first Blink, and then Protect on my entire party, and hoping for the best. The battles are then long and slow, but manageable.

Slowly I inched my way through the dungeon, fighting these Hill Gigas monsters left and right. When I finally got to the dungeon’s boss, a chimera, I prepped up for the fight in the same way I’d prep up for a Hill Gigas fight and was then shocked when the boss went down in about a quarter of the time it took to fight the common Hill Gigas.

Then I teleported out of the dungeon and felt grateful to be alive. What a dungeon. What a monster!

What are some deliciously difficult monsters that you’ve encountered in your gaming journeys?

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

In case you’ve been living under a rock on Mars with your fingers in your ears, Skyrim came out today. Skyrim is the latest in the ever-more-popular Elder Scrolls series, whose most basic principle is to present you with an open world and set you loose to do mostly as you please. I never played the first two, but the third one – Morrowind – because a game I love fiercely and which is deeply ingrained in my memory as an all-time classic. It wasn’t actually tremendously good in pure gameplay terms. It was just so vast, so expansive, so atmospheric and alien, so unapologetically ambitious, that its flaws were irrelevant, indeed they became charms at times.

TES IV, Oblivion, was another matter. The fighting was much improved, true, but everything else just seemed to be lacking. The better graphics were only applied to a very generic fantasy world; the portals to Oblivion were impressive at first but quickly became repetitive and tedious to explore, and presented anyway no sense of danger to the world. It was just a hollow game, and even with mods (barring Nehrim) it never became something I spent a huge amount of time with.

Here, then, is Skyrim. At first I was leery of what they were saying about it. Better AI? Better questing? Hah, okay, and I’m the Pope (Outside of Europa Universalis III, I mean). Only… that stuff does seem to be true, so far. Melee combat is much as it was in Oblivion, if a good bit more polished, but the alternatives, namely magic and archery, are truly brilliant. The interface, on the 360 at least, is slick and polished. I hear bad things about the PC’s UI though. I was worried about the simplification of skills, such as removing acrobatics and athletics (And I do still dislike that) but what is there is great, primarily because of the new perk system. Every level you get one point that you can put into getting some significant bonus in a given skill tree. I first chose, for instance, to halve the cost of my novice-level Destruction spells, and this made a tremendous difference to how I was going about fights.

What I’m finding is that I want to tell you not just about how I came upon some bandits, killed one, resurrected her as a zombie, and let her fight her former comrades while I burnt them from afar; I also want to tell you about how I found a treasure map on one of their bodies, and it was just the right amount of detail to show me where to look without being too easy. I want to tell you about how I walked into a store during an argument, asked about it, said I could help retrieve something, and this was reacted to in a natural way – they kept arguing, but the topic shifted slightly. I want to tell you about how I scarfed down a whole load of random ingredients to learn their alchemical effects, only to find I had crippled my stamina for a moment. I don’t just want to explain fighting mechanics, I want to relate stories to you, stories that I experienced in this world. And it is a world, and that is the magic of it. I ascended a fairly small mountain and as it grew stormier and snowier, I felt physically colder in my room. That’s when I decided I had enough to make a preliminary blog post on the game.

All this from two hours of play.

Over at Rock, Paper, Shotgun, Alec Meer not only called Skyrim GOTY, but said “I’m sorry Morrowind – I love you, but I don’t need you anymore. I think, at last, there is a new Best Elder Scrolls Ever.” This is high praise indeed.

It’s very early for me to make any serious judgment on this game. But he might be right.

Also, Saul Tigh voices one of the characters. I am MORE than okay with this. Will someone turn off that DAMN MUSIC?

I Love FF2.

Between publishing a book, writing a new book, and working, I’ve been slowly working my way through Final Fantasy II (note that I mean the original FF2, and not what was actually FF4.) Despite going into it a bit apprehensive because people had warned me about it, I’m LOVING it thus far. I’m a good few hours into it and having a blast.

Yeah, it's something like this.

I love the weapon and spell leveling system. I’ve love the keyword system, which seemed gimmicky at first but was quite ahead of its time and still works nicely once you get used to it. I love the plot, which actually reminds me a lot of the aforementioned book I published. Really the only thing I don’t like about it thus far is that the character I have dubbed my mage has basically no mana points and ethers are pricy as heck. Fortunately, she can whack a mean punch with her staff.

All in all I’m having a lot of fun so far. I’ll admit that the first hour or so of the game was a bit of a rough wake-up call if you’re coming into it directly after FF1, but if you can get past that then this game is a real gem. We’ll see if it stays that way!